


Stuck At Sea

by rustleofstars



Category: Breaking Benjamin (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, M/M, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Pining, they're not dating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-29
Updated: 2016-06-29
Packaged: 2018-07-19 01:44:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7339459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rustleofstars/pseuds/rustleofstars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>"Funny how when stuck at sea,</i><br/><i>Things are never the way they seem.</i><br/><i>Clouds take the shape of gloves,</i><br/><i>Reaching over the flames at dusk.</i><br/><i>Missing clips in your consciousness;</i><br/><i>Just act as if I don't exist."</i><br/> <br/>Also known as the <i>"Hot Night on the Queen Mary 2"</i>  fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stuck At Sea

**Author's Note:**

> Title and summary quote from [Stuck At Sea by The Honorary Title.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2eGzZUelwo)
> 
> Inspiration for this fic [here.](https://65.media.tumblr.com/9c325e3dd5866bdac841b8ceeb4b77af/tumblr_o9jpag7n6d1vnji8po1_1280.jpg)

Whether Shaun stumbled inelegantly into Ben's cabin due to the sway of the ship or because of the copious amounts of alcohol he had consumed this evening was unclear. What was clear is the fact that Ben was practically carrying his weight entirely with Shaun’s arm slung over his shoulders, as Shaun attempted to drag one foot in front of the other, oblivious to Ben's attempt to get him to the safety of a bed. The closest bed happened to be Ben’s cabin, because - of course - Shaun decided to get drunk on the complete opposite side of the ship as where his cabin was located and needed Ben’s help. The bar staff sure as hell didn’t want to carry him back, so the task fell on Ben.

Once they reached the edge of the bed, Ben attempted to lower Shaun as gently as he could onto the covers. Naturally, Shaun decided this was the perfect time to become boneless, flopping gracelessly onto the bed and almost slipping off in the process, if not for Ben's steadying hand to catch him. Shaun hiccuped out a giggle, and miraculously managed to drag himself to a more stable area of the bed to lie on.

" _Wow_ ," Shaun drawled lazily as he tossed his head to the side to watch Ben, visibly struggling to suppress another giggle. Ben was too preoccupied with busying himself gathering a glass of water and other necessities in the _"How to Care for Your Drunk Best Friend"_ survival kit to look back at Shaun.

" _Wow_ what?" Ben responded as he turned on the faucet. Part of him was worried that Shaun will fall off the bed or something equally stupid while he has his back turned.

"The room's spinning," Shaun replied giddily. He paused thoughtfully for a beat before adding, "And, wow, you're hot."

Flattering. Eloquent, really. "I know." Snark is the only way Ben can respond to that, suddenly grateful to be facing away from Shaun at the moment. It gives him a moment to compose himself. He walked back over to place the glass of water on the bedside table next to Shaun. "And you're drunk."

Shaun rolled his head over with deliberate effort once again in Ben’s direction, finally meeting Ben's gaze. He looked rather worse for wear, with glassy, half-lidded eyes and deeply rosy cheeks, but a lazy smile still managed to curl onto his lips. "M'drunk, not blind."

Ben deems that worthy of a snicker and eye-roll in response. He sat down on the edge of the bed, ushering Shaun up gently by his shoulders. "C'mon, sit up, drink some water."

Shaun managed to crawl his way up to a partially upright position, settling more for halfway laying across Ben's lap and grabbing clumsily at the glass of water. Ben takes pity on him and helps hold the glass steady as Shaun attempted to take a few drinks. He only chokes once, surprisingly.

After downing half the glass and managing to avoid drowning in a few ounces of water, Shaun seemed satisfied and proceeded to roll back onto the bed properly, continuing to lack any grace in the process. A yawn and stretch followed, seemingly forgetting that he was still wearing shoes as he kicked at the blankets absently. Sighing for the hundredth time that night, Ben set out to help Shaun once again. “Gimme your feet, Shaun.”

This suddenly struck Shaun as the funniest thing in the universe at that moment as he erupted into giggles. Ben took matters into his own hands and tugged on one of Shaun’s legs, resulting in a yelp and even more hysterical giggles from Shaun.

Ben tugged Shaun’s first shoe off easily and dropped it to the floor along with the accompanying sock, wrestling for Shaun’s other leg and eventually gets a hold on the second shoe. Upon tugging it off, Shaun yelped again and added, a bit too loudly, “It tickles!”

“I didn’t even touch your foot!”

This did it for Shaun, as he crumbled into a fit of laughter, looking to be on the verge of tears from laughing so hard. Despite trying to keep up his hard-ass veneer right now, Ben couldn’t help but smirk at the display, shaking his head. Shaun took a few more moments to gasp for air as his laughter slowly died down, his face flushed as a result.

Shaun huffed out a breath, and, as an inebriated person is prone to do, made the impulse decision to start undoing his belt and attempted to shimmy out of his jeans.

“Whoa, there…” Ben cautioned, willing himself a stern yet confused expression instead of blatantly watching Shaun’s next move.

Shaun raised an eyebrow at Ben, meeting his gaze lazily. He seemed to see absolutely nothing out of the ordinary with this situation. “M’getting comfortable. Bed time.” Once again, Shaun’s eloquence shined through. He shimmied and flopped a few more times before falling back onto the bed in preemptive defeat and honest-to-god whined. “ _Can’t._ Help.”

Shaun was damn well lucky it was Ben who was here and not someone else, Ben thought, because no one else would have even an ounce of the patience he was having with Shaun right then. Ben eventually obliged; thankfully, Shaun had already done most of the hard work with his belt and button, but was simply struggling with the process of getting them off. He wouldn’t have this problem if his jeans weren’t often so tight, but Ben certainly wasn’t one to complain. Except now, perhaps.

Eventually, through no help of Shaun’s, they succeed in tugging Shaun’s jeans off, not bothering to place them anywhere other than on the ground at the foot of the bed. Shaun settled in immediately, looking infinitely more comfortable and at peace, despite being down to a light sleep shirt and boxers. He curled in on himself as Ben walks to the other side of the bed, with Shaun seeming to not recall that it's possible to actually get _under_  the covers.

After deciding that he was as settled in as he's going to get for the night, Ben tossed on pajama pants and stretched his back. He forced himself to believe that he didn’t feel Shaun watching him the entire time. As a final step, he dimmed the lights part way before lying down, knowing Shaun's headache will thank him in the morning. He soon joined Shaun on the bed, settling into his side of the bed with far more finesse than Shaun had earlier. He enjoyed the silence between them and the gentle roll of the ship beneath them for a few moments, checking his phone before the night's end.

Of course, that blessed silence doesn't last. "You're hot," Shaun reiterated on their previous conversation with no introduction, his words sounding more deliberate now.

Ben hummed absently in response, choosing to ignore that statement as he used a finger to scroll through his phone. This time, he can unquestionably feel Shaun's unwavering gaze on him.

Shaun must take Ben's lack of protest as enough of a response, and decided that curling up to Ben with an arm over his waist is the next appropriate course of action. Ben sighed heavily but allows it, willing himself to relax and not allowing his thoughts to wander any further.

Minutes pass between them, only punctuated by their breathing and the gentle sound of slapping waves in the distance. Shaun seemed to be relaxing above Ben, and the gentle noise and low light began to push waves of tiredness over Ben, as well. The excessive warmth of his best friend lying on top of him is also more comforting than he'd like to admit. Ben allowed himself to place a hand on Shaun's back and rubbed gently, enjoying the soft cotton under his fingertips as he rested his eyes.

He more so feels Shaun shift before he sees him. Upon opening his eyes, he's greeted by the sight of Shaun having crawled up and settling his head at Ben's neck. The ghosting of warm breaths over skin is enough to give Ben goosebumps.

He soon feels Shaun mouthing over his neck, pressing uncoordinated and open-mouthed kisses curiously wherever he can manage. " _So hot..._ " he breathes out, barely audibly, a realization said seemingly more to himself than to Ben.

If Shaun wasn't so drunk, he'd noticed the tight line of Ben's jaw, clenched so tight it will start to hurt soon. If he wasn't so drunk, he'd notice Ben tensing underneath him. _If he wasn't so drunk, he wouldn't fucking want to do this, anyway_ , Ben tells himself bitterly, among all of his other swimming thoughts.

Ben tells himself that he should uncurl the fingers he has clutched far too tightly in the fabric of Shaun's shirt. He tells himself to not let a hand run up the expanse of Shaun's overly warm back as the lazy kisses graze higher up his neck. He tells himself with every ounce of his being that he needs to stop Shaun as he slots their hips together and pushes up with a surprising amount of intent. He hates this. He really does.

Shaun's exploration of the expanse of Ben's neck finally reaches Ben's jaw, just as Shaun seemed to find his footing a bit more on how to kiss with more coordination and litters kisses over Ben's jawline. He doesn't pay much attention to the slight shake from Ben clenching his jaw so tightly.

"Don't..." Ben managed to breathe, not trusting his voice over the tightness over his throat. After not getting a response, he continued, "You don't know what you're doing."

The kisses reached over Ben's cheek, inching towards the edge of his lips. "I do know," Shaun mouthed against Ben's cheek before matching their lips together, clumsy and curious and needy and Ben _hates this_.

He has to stop this. " _No,_ " Ben broke them apart suddenly with a forceful shove on Shaun's shoulders, sounding more certain than he feels, watching Shaun fall to his side with a dramatic bounce. He looked over at Shaun, shoulders hunched and breathing heavily, suddenly grateful that the low light can hide the emotions playing in his eyes. "You don't. You don't know."

Shaun doesn't know. Shaun doesn't know what he's doing to him, doesn't know that his best friend has been in love with him for years now. Doesn't know how many times he's thought about this exact moment, but is left with a bitter taste in his mouth at the irony of how things have played out. Doesn't know the spite - the _anger_ \- he feels over the possibility that alcohol could inadvertently once again ruin one of the best parts of his life.

It's not entirely Shaun's fault, though. Ben knows part of the blame lies on himself for never breathing a word of any of this to Shaun. He knows it's his fault that he feels this way, knows how wrong and twisted it must be. He knows.

He finally finds the gall to meet Shaun's eyes again, and the confusion and hurt on Shaun's face melts away any anger and spite he felt before. As if he didn't feel enough hate for himself right now.

Silence falls between them, seeming to drag on as they watch each other in a stalemate. It's Shaun who manages to break the silence with quiet, hesitant words that Ben is sure he'll be hearing in his head for ages to come.

"Do you not want me?"

Ben is certain his heart officially breaks on the spot. There aren't words to express the emotions thrumming through his chest, to express how Shaun could not be more _wrong_ about that. But he can't. Not only because of the lack of fitting words, but because Shaun isn't in his right mind right now and Ben has to remind himself of that. No matter what Shaun may have to say or want, none of it can be held to him while he's not sober. "You won't remember this in the morning," he settles on quietly after swallowing around the lump starting to burn in his throat as his emotions rise in his throat, hoping his statement doesn't sound as broken and conflicted to Shaun as it sounds to his own ears. He's not sure if he wants those words to be true or not. He's not sure what he wants anymore.

Shaun seemed to consider his words carefully in the pause following Ben’s statement. "That's not an answer," he says gently, sounding almost consoling and far more thoughtful than he has any right to be right now as he carefully rolls closer to Ben, making it clear that he won't force anything again and-- fuck, was Shaun really the one comforting _him_ right now?

Ben doesn't have it in him to deny Shaun the simple affections that he’s seeking right now, and hated to admit to himself that it was comfort that he needed right now. He let an arm drape over Shaun's shoulder, and felt Shaun sigh under his arm as Ben tugged him closer. "I know it's not."

He let silence fall between them for the rest of the night.

 

* * *

 

The morning came as usual, even as Ben felt like his whole world had shifted overnight. He awoke first, uncertain of how long he had stared at the wall in front of him, letting his mind wander until it was thoughtless and numb.

Shaun eventually began to stir, breathing slightly quicker and stretching lightly, still mostly asleep as he woke at his own comfortable pace. It'd be so easy for Ben to pretend right now that this was normal, with no strings attached nor none of the night's previous memories plaguing him.

As Shaun began to stir more intently, Ben retracted his arm and let it fall between them. Shaun, in a half-waking state, used this as an opportunity to roll onto his back, starting to truly come to after a minute or two.

"'Morning, sleeping beauty," Ben goaded with a slightly forced smirk, still watching Shaun carefully as he walked the fine line between playful and curious, afraid to ask Shaun anything.

Shaun glanced his way and smirked in return, hair ruffled and expression looking soft with sleep. Ben didn't have time to think about how the sight made his heart beat a bit faster before Shaun grimaced and pressed fingertips lightly to his forehead, squeezing his eyes shut against the light. Ben knew what was coming next before Shaun even said a word; the answer to the questions he was scared to ask was already clear.

_"What happened last night?"_


End file.
